Never Been Better by Leanne Toshiko Simpson

Author:Leanne Toshiko Simpson [Simpson, Leanne Toshiko]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2024-03-05T00:00:00+00:00

11

“Ms. Jackson” —Outkast (4:30)

“You. Fucking. Asshole,” said Tilley, whacking me in the head with a lumpy hotel pillow. “I’m hungover as shit and now I have to wake your zombie ass up at the crack of dawn.”

“Brrghf,” I mumbled, fighting off the fire snakes. Tilley’s voice buzzed in and out of earshot like a pirated radio station. It felt like my arms were jerking erratically but from her reaction, I was guessing I hadn’t moved an inch. Good morning, medication.

“I understand that you’re on more drugs than the later-years Beatles, but you set like twenty alarms and your ringtone is ‘Take a Chance on Me.’ Weren’t you afraid someone would catch on to your ABBA-fuelled desperation?”

“I s’need…help now,” I said, words tumbling over each other. I had already had a dream where I did wake up and go to barre class, so this was a little too Groundhog Day for my liking.

“After this many years of living in the same house, I should have earned a damn black belt in helping you wake up,” said Tilley. “Just today, I’ve pulled all the sheets off your body, turned all the lights on, licked the side of your face—I mean, what else do you want me to do?”

“Blergh.”

I heard her walk into the bathroom and slam the door. I knew that I wanted to get up—needed to, really—but my brain was oatmeal and I couldn’t put anything together. This was why I didn’t have a full-time job. This was why I didn’t sleep over after first dates, when I went on them in the first place.

More footsteps, then Tilley dumped a full glass of water over my head. My eyes snapped open. I still couldn’t move my limbs but I was conscious of them in a way that hadn’t been possible before. I lay in a puddle in the middle of the bed and waited for the rest of me to catch up.

“I know I normally use the ironing spray bottle on you, but I figured we might need something more dramatic for our timeline,” said Tilley, gently pushing my slick hair back from my forehead. “You’ll be good to go in about twenty minutes.”

“So emb’rassing,” I slurred, as she pulled off my pajama bottoms and shimmied my stretchy leggings up one leg at a time. “I’m sss-orry you have to do this.”

Tilley looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. “Sorry enough that you’re gonna let me off the hook for this barre class?”

“N-not a chance.”

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.